Finals

I've just experienced my first two finals ever. And let me tell you... they were no fun. My first college final was psychology, my least favorite subject. There were 178 questions and it took me about 2 hours to finish everything. Handing in that exam was such a huge weight lifted off my shoulders! My second exam was today and it was in French. That wasn't nearly as bad as the psych one, but it still had its difficult areas. I have one paper to write and one exam left before I can board a plane home to New Jersey! Can't wait til Monday night!!

I know I haven't been very good at keeping up with this blog, but I'm trying to make up for lost time now. These past few weeks have been the most stressful, crazed weeks I have ever lived through. Teachers have been piling on the work like it's nobody's business. I've never really had "finals" before. Sure, the ones I took in high school seemed horrible at the time, but I never really had to prepare for them. With all the exams and papers I have due in the next couple of days... it's a little more than just overwhelming. I've never been this swamped with work in my entire life. If this is just the beginning, I can't imagine what my next seven semesters are going to be like.

my mash-up

For my mash-up, I decided to combine a Shel Silverstein poem with zombies. Here is the final result:

Whatif by Shel Silverstein & Katie Inglese

Last night, while I lay thinking here,
some Whatifs crawled inside my ear
and pranced and partied all night long
and sang their same old Whatif song:
Whatif a zombie came in my room?
Whatif it stole all my clothes?
Whatif it pretended to be me?
Whatif my parents never even realized I was gone?
Whatif it went to school pretending to be me?
Whatif it went to my classes and forgot my homework?
Whatif it flunked my last test- on purpose?
Whatif it threw all my clothes in the mud?
Whatif it wore clown makeup on a first date?
Whatif my date really thought that zombie was me?
Whatif zombie-me ate his brain?
Whatif that zombie imposter had me arrested for murder?
Whatif that sombie ruined my life just for fun?
But if a zombie were to eat my brain
the nighttime Whatifs would never strike again!

I decided to choose this as my mach-up because I really wanted to do something literary. Originally, I had planned on using a chapter out of "The Great Gatsby", a classic piece of American literature and a personal favorite of mine. After some careful consideration, I decided I couldn't bring myself to essentially destroy one of my personal favorite pieces of literature. I settled on something slightly more innocent and malleable, like a poem. I didn't feel nearly as bad manipulating those words to become slightly more comical.

A continuation of passing thought...and my last blog.

Casting the story of my life would be quite interesting. Thinking about who would play such a family, my family. Who would dare take on my part-Travis, Travieso, Chucho, T Man, T Money, The Big Inch (and other names given to me over the years)-a role absolutely impossible to conquer by anyone other than myself. I wouldn't even bother burdening someone with the thought...

Something struck me as odd the other day. I can mock and mimic the mannerisms of others, particularly my friends, but not one of them can mimic me. Sure they mock, as I set myself up almost every time-ridicule being the ultimate outcome-and so sacrificing myself for the sake of others. They don't see it this way, and granted maybe I shouldn't be thinking this way, but it's there; evidence exists of this, at most to the subconscious. Freud had a good start, but I would say that some of us think in our subconscious, to further what is given to our conscious mind; that on some deeper plane, nonexistent to those inside my own perception, I exist in passing thought; floating, moving about freely to play as I wish. Funny how these things work...oh these things. These things.

If anyone should read my drudgery, it would seem to them nonsense, which most of it is to the simples in this world. But I'm here to challenge the challenge that is reasoning-ever so mysterious and benign to those who lack the technique of reasoning. Be not mistaken by reasoning, for it holds power only in the mind where little reasoning exists, and in turn, divides rational and irrational thought, more supporting the irrational half because the ability to reason only comes in rational thought. I hold a certain compunction in my heart for those mortal beasts who lack the ability, the 'ableness', required to think rationally-the levelheadedness that adults tell their children all their lives to attain, even though it is something born, not gained, and truth holds reality to par, which is the reality that no one person in existence today (or any time period really) was asked to be given life, and so no one person was ever asked to be given irrational thought. The ensuing endeavor engages, then, upon the evident birth of perception, as Lacan offers to us as 'the mirror stage'-original 'Ah-ha' moment during our infancy-the point in which all the world begins to slowly collapse in on a being over the course of their whole life. If, at some time, that person doesn't recognize and choose to advantage their abilities of rational thought and 'distincting' their immediate reality, they will ultimately and inevitably be burdened with the weight of the world.

Are your shoulders ready for that kind of pressure? Obviously not (no one's are), but now having been reminded, and for some realizing for the first time as they read this text, it enables truth to be told, although truth itself (and awareness) makes one want to isolate themselves under the warm blanket of ignorance. But "NO!" I say. Do not hide, do not worry...embrace it. Exist in a world of self created chaos and confusion with the power of a better understanding.

We are at the forefront of life my brothers and sisters. So come my family, let us gather as one united people; as beings; as living, breathing, struggling, surviving beings, not without character, not without your own, still be your own, but find your own and be you to the best of your ability. We are all the in the same context...we are all beings who carry the same burden that is LIFE...we are all lifers to this world. But still, as I will repeat, find you and be you to the best of your ability...unassuming to the perceptions of Others. I am me because I am not you. MY job is not to worry about the other because they are different from me. MY job is to worry about being me, whatever that may offer to you is not my responsibility because of the simple fact that I'm offering everything to myself, and so reflects ME in this world, in this environment, in this time...here...now. YOU have to decide, knowing all that is you (hopefully, but if not, hopefully one day), whether you are going to accept all that is me as I offer me from the very beginning...

Hello, this is me...

Now...who the hell are you?

-Travis Ryan Barbour-

In Passing

This semester has been one hell of a ride; a roller coaster of being-this place, the life of a working college student-all coming together. What does it all mean? Nothing to no one but me. It is something quite awful. And not the unpleasant kind either, but a truth that applies to us all.

Everything that has happened, happened before now, which doesn't say much in my case for the semester in terms of school, and I regret not recognizing this overwhelming anxiety to come earlier in the year. But of course it does not rupture the more important things to staying sane later in life, which is making sure I'm sane now, which is hard in my family, even though they are the most 'importants' in life. In all the chaos and drudgery, I have somehow managed to survive the last 4.5 months with minor injuries. How? I haven't the slightest...

BUT, alls said and done at this point. The only thing left to do is come to terms with myself and, in turn, all of you. Call on yourself for the answers, and depend on us to keep asking questions.

"Nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of our own mind.

Absolve you to yourself, and you shall have the suffrage of the world."

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

lady gaga

This lady wears the most outrageous outfits I have ever seen but I think it is great she is doing what she wants wearing what she want no matter how weird it is. She never goes out in public naked so no one can really tell her to stop. Although when she performed at that music awards show pretending to kill herself and ending her performance with blood all over her might have been a little too far but I mean whatever floats her boat I guess.

A little kids dream

I came across all these pictures of amazing tree houses the other day and I thought it would be cool to share some of them. Everyone dreams of having a tree house when they are young but these are so awesome I can't believe how amazing it would be for a little kid if even I am amazed now