Finals

I've just experienced my first two finals ever. And let me tell you... they were no fun. My first college final was psychology, my least favorite subject. There were 178 questions and it took me about 2 hours to finish everything. Handing in that exam was such a huge weight lifted off my shoulders! My second exam was today and it was in French. That wasn't nearly as bad as the psych one, but it still had its difficult areas. I have one paper to write and one exam left before I can board a plane home to New Jersey! Can't wait til Monday night!!

I know I haven't been very good at keeping up with this blog, but I'm trying to make up for lost time now. These past few weeks have been the most stressful, crazed weeks I have ever lived through. Teachers have been piling on the work like it's nobody's business. I've never really had "finals" before. Sure, the ones I took in high school seemed horrible at the time, but I never really had to prepare for them. With all the exams and papers I have due in the next couple of days... it's a little more than just overwhelming. I've never been this swamped with work in my entire life. If this is just the beginning, I can't imagine what my next seven semesters are going to be like.

my mash-up

For my mash-up, I decided to combine a Shel Silverstein poem with zombies. Here is the final result:

Whatif by Shel Silverstein & Katie Inglese

Last night, while I lay thinking here,
some Whatifs crawled inside my ear
and pranced and partied all night long
and sang their same old Whatif song:
Whatif a zombie came in my room?
Whatif it stole all my clothes?
Whatif it pretended to be me?
Whatif my parents never even realized I was gone?
Whatif it went to school pretending to be me?
Whatif it went to my classes and forgot my homework?
Whatif it flunked my last test- on purpose?
Whatif it threw all my clothes in the mud?
Whatif it wore clown makeup on a first date?
Whatif my date really thought that zombie was me?
Whatif zombie-me ate his brain?
Whatif that zombie imposter had me arrested for murder?
Whatif that sombie ruined my life just for fun?
But if a zombie were to eat my brain
the nighttime Whatifs would never strike again!

I decided to choose this as my mach-up because I really wanted to do something literary. Originally, I had planned on using a chapter out of "The Great Gatsby", a classic piece of American literature and a personal favorite of mine. After some careful consideration, I decided I couldn't bring myself to essentially destroy one of my personal favorite pieces of literature. I settled on something slightly more innocent and malleable, like a poem. I didn't feel nearly as bad manipulating those words to become slightly more comical.

A continuation of passing thought...and my last blog.

Casting the story of my life would be quite interesting. Thinking about who would play such a family, my family. Who would dare take on my part-Travis, Travieso, Chucho, T Man, T Money, The Big Inch (and other names given to me over the years)-a role absolutely impossible to conquer by anyone other than myself. I wouldn't even bother burdening someone with the thought...

Something struck me as odd the other day. I can mock and mimic the mannerisms of others, particularly my friends, but not one of them can mimic me. Sure they mock, as I set myself up almost every time-ridicule being the ultimate outcome-and so sacrificing myself for the sake of others. They don't see it this way, and granted maybe I shouldn't be thinking this way, but it's there; evidence exists of this, at most to the subconscious. Freud had a good start, but I would say that some of us think in our subconscious, to further what is given to our conscious mind; that on some deeper plane, nonexistent to those inside my own perception, I exist in passing thought; floating, moving about freely to play as I wish. Funny how these things work...oh these things. These things.

If anyone should read my drudgery, it would seem to them nonsense, which most of it is to the simples in this world. But I'm here to challenge the challenge that is reasoning-ever so mysterious and benign to those who lack the technique of reasoning. Be not mistaken by reasoning, for it holds power only in the mind where little reasoning exists, and in turn, divides rational and irrational thought, more supporting the irrational half because the ability to reason only comes in rational thought. I hold a certain compunction in my heart for those mortal beasts who lack the ability, the 'ableness', required to think rationally-the levelheadedness that adults tell their children all their lives to attain, even though it is something born, not gained, and truth holds reality to par, which is the reality that no one person in existence today (or any time period really) was asked to be given life, and so no one person was ever asked to be given irrational thought. The ensuing endeavor engages, then, upon the evident birth of perception, as Lacan offers to us as 'the mirror stage'-original 'Ah-ha' moment during our infancy-the point in which all the world begins to slowly collapse in on a being over the course of their whole life. If, at some time, that person doesn't recognize and choose to advantage their abilities of rational thought and 'distincting' their immediate reality, they will ultimately and inevitably be burdened with the weight of the world.

Are your shoulders ready for that kind of pressure? Obviously not (no one's are), but now having been reminded, and for some realizing for the first time as they read this text, it enables truth to be told, although truth itself (and awareness) makes one want to isolate themselves under the warm blanket of ignorance. But "NO!" I say. Do not hide, do not worry...embrace it. Exist in a world of self created chaos and confusion with the power of a better understanding.

We are at the forefront of life my brothers and sisters. So come my family, let us gather as one united people; as beings; as living, breathing, struggling, surviving beings, not without character, not without your own, still be your own, but find your own and be you to the best of your ability. We are all the in the same context...we are all beings who carry the same burden that is LIFE...we are all lifers to this world. But still, as I will repeat, find you and be you to the best of your ability...unassuming to the perceptions of Others. I am me because I am not you. MY job is not to worry about the other because they are different from me. MY job is to worry about being me, whatever that may offer to you is not my responsibility because of the simple fact that I'm offering everything to myself, and so reflects ME in this world, in this environment, in this time...here...now. YOU have to decide, knowing all that is you (hopefully, but if not, hopefully one day), whether you are going to accept all that is me as I offer me from the very beginning...

Hello, this is me...

Now...who the hell are you?

-Travis Ryan Barbour-

In Passing

This semester has been one hell of a ride; a roller coaster of being-this place, the life of a working college student-all coming together. What does it all mean? Nothing to no one but me. It is something quite awful. And not the unpleasant kind either, but a truth that applies to us all.

Everything that has happened, happened before now, which doesn't say much in my case for the semester in terms of school, and I regret not recognizing this overwhelming anxiety to come earlier in the year. But of course it does not rupture the more important things to staying sane later in life, which is making sure I'm sane now, which is hard in my family, even though they are the most 'importants' in life. In all the chaos and drudgery, I have somehow managed to survive the last 4.5 months with minor injuries. How? I haven't the slightest...

BUT, alls said and done at this point. The only thing left to do is come to terms with myself and, in turn, all of you. Call on yourself for the answers, and depend on us to keep asking questions.

"Nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of our own mind.

Absolve you to yourself, and you shall have the suffrage of the world."

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

lady gaga

This lady wears the most outrageous outfits I have ever seen but I think it is great she is doing what she wants wearing what she want no matter how weird it is. She never goes out in public naked so no one can really tell her to stop. Although when she performed at that music awards show pretending to kill herself and ending her performance with blood all over her might have been a little too far but I mean whatever floats her boat I guess.

A little kids dream

I came across all these pictures of amazing tree houses the other day and I thought it would be cool to share some of them. Everyone dreams of having a tree house when they are young but these are so awesome I can't believe how amazing it would be for a little kid if even I am amazed now

I <3 sleeping in

So these last couple of weeks I have had such a hard time waking up and going to my 8:30 classes. Its horrible I don't even try to fall back asleep it just happens. I'm having no luck with my alarm clock because when it goes off I just turn it off and go back to bed. I live at home so its not as close as living on campus would be which I sort of regret. This morning I woke up turned my alarm off went back to sleep then my mom called me I picked up and she apparently talked to me for awhile and told me to get up, then she called again but on the house phone and got my sister to go into my room and try waking me up and finally I was awake but at that point I had already misses most of my class.

Best Pancakes EVERRRRR!

The other weekend I was craving pancakes and Vermont maple syrup but I didn't have a recipe and so I went online and found this ammmmaazzinnngg recipe for the best pancakes everr. They really are sooo yummy. I usually fail at flipping pancakes but this time they all came out perfect so pleasse plleaase if you are ever craving pancakes try this recipe I can assure you, you won't regret it.

Combine the dry ingredients in a bowl, whisk, set aside:

2 cups flour
2 tbsp sugar
4 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp fine salt

Combine the wet ingredients in a second bowl, whisk:

2 cups buttermilk
4 tbsp melted butter
1 tsp vanilla extract
2 beaten eggs

Add the wet ingredients to the dry and whisk until just combined. Fry in a pan with butter. Top with maple syrup and devour.

http://kottke.org/09/10/the-worlds-best-pancake-recipe

Christmas Tree scare

I was reading on yahoo news about this couple who went out to look for a Christmas tree in some mountains near the California border and ended up getting their car stuck in the snow for two days until they finally were able to rock the car and somehow free the tires enough to get it out. All of that trouble to get a tree that is going to be disposed of after the holiday season. Getting stuck in the cold is the worst possible thing I would never want to get stuck in the cold for days it would be so miserable. The unfortunate thing was they had maps so they knew exactly where they were they just couldn't contact anyone to get help. When they finally got back on the road they heard on the radio that a search party had been sent out to find them. Luckily this story had a happy ending.

Nature vs. Technology

This was the theme of my mashup and I found this cool example.

The semester is almost ovverr!!!!!

I am so glad this semester is almost over. I am so ready for a vacation. College is obviously very different than highschool and I have figured that out very quickly. I am ready for a break and then to start the new semester now knowing what I am getting myself into and be able to prepare myself more and probably get better grades. I studied for so long for my second Geology exam and I couldn't get any higher than a 70. Im glad I can atleast get that nasty lab science requirement out of the way. Next semester all my classes seem to be interesting so I am very happy yeahhh new semesterrr.

Facebook

There comes a point when some people end up putting inappropriate personal information on their facebook page. When I first got a facebook none of my family members other than my older sister and some cousins had facebook. Then my aunts, uncles, parents, even grandparents got into it. Especially my grandparents not having much to do go on their facebook all the time and post things on everyones wall some a little embarrassing. I made a rule that I would not except any friend requests from adult family. I am so glad I didn't because I heard from my 13 year old little sister that my uncle put some lets just say inappropriate pictures of himself on there for everyone to see including all my very young cousins. Come on people geesh let it just be know don't put your entire life on facebook for everyone to see because some things just don't need to be known.

Cool Example Mashup

I found this really cool mashup example even though it is only about two minutes long it looks like it took a longg time.

Blogginggggg

soooo I don't know about anyone else but I always forget to post things regularly so I always end up posting everything in bulk. I don't know how people who blog everyday do it I run out of things to say or interesting links to show and when I do find something interesting I end up forgetting where I found it in time to post it on our blog. So here comes many posts....

Response to the ignorant bystander: "Why do you bitch about your job if you like coffee so much?""

This is an excerpt from the longer three page response that I gave when asked this question...

"Coffee is a funny thing. The second most mass-produced legal narcotic, under cigarettes, that is naturally addictive and in many ways (proven by science) to be beneficial to your health. I drink anywhere between one and ten cups of coffee a day, and yes I know many of you might be thinking after reading up to this point that I should seriously consider decaf, but fuck it. I’m not here to impress anyone. Coffee is delicate (much like good wine or beer), and holds properties that are distinctive to its growing region. Its true characteristics can only be found when roasted and cupped to its potential. When a coffee isn’t given proper treatment, it won’t give you proper results. Coffee is an art, not a commodity, and with any type of art it has to be appreciated to a certain extent. The reason why I enjoy this tasty black slosh is not only because I know more than most about it, but also because it has never wronged me in any way. Both wine and beer have placed me into oblivion in some instance or another, and while I still drink both to great lengths, the happiness can only last so long. Not with coffee. Instead of bringing me down, it picks me up. Many a mornings I wake to find coffee a Savior from the effects of the alcoholic beverages consumed not hours before. Energy ensues…on top of that, it brings people together for long (or short) periods of time, whether it be a quick pick me up with a friend, to those extensive conversations with someone who either won’t shut up or you actually enjoy being around for more than twenty minutes at a time. Coffee has been a catalyst for social gatherings for many generations ("penny universities") and will continue to become more and more popular as the years go on. Why then do I hate my job so much?

Because I hate sharing such a beautiful, god given luxury with people who don’t appreciate it. Coffee is an art- an ARTisan craft- not a commodity. Never forget that.

Fuck Folgers."

Quick Question

Something crossed my mind while I was walking to class the other day that raised an interesting question: Are men's legs genetically less attractive than women's, or do women really spend that much time making their legs look attractive?

Now I can't say for sure what kind of reaction I would expect from such a question...and it would be assuming to think that most of you would say 'no' and 'yes...they do', which is why I'm throwing it out there. To be honest, I can find arguments for both sides, so I'd be interested to hear what you guys think. More so, I hope to confirm with any women that this may be true, that they do spend a horrible amount of time on their legs...

A Moment From 'The Book'

Jack put his head down between his arms, careful not to look suspicious, and pretended to sleep.

"Let him nap. Come along children," the teacher contently motioned her class toward the EXIT, much like sheep being guided from a pen to pasture, and waited till every last nose-picker was out of the room before quietly shutting the door. Jack was smart to let time pass before revealing his bluff, as the teacher reentered the classroom moments later to shut off the lights. With one last glance in Jack's direction, the teacher smirked at the thought of being a child again; so innocent, so unaware...a distant feeling. This brought a warm glaze over the caring teacher's emotion, and blocked any suspicion that may have 'blipped' her ignorant attention. In a moment of nostalgia, Jack had tricked his foe, and was left as the lone conquistador of a room filled with things yet to be discovered by him.

As Jack lifted his head, he shook off the tired from his eyes, squished his cheeks to even out the blood showing too much red, and soon a smile spread across the young deviant's face.

Oh teacher, he thought, so innocent, so unaware...

The popular trend today seems to be 'getting by'; like everyone just hopes to live another day without worry of being able to live. Or maybe that's just me...

I have been known to make distractions for such things as worries before, and each time bettering the promise for hope although little hope for progress exists. Today, being. Yesterday, being. Tomorrow, being. Good God let's not go this direction again. Time is my enemy...and so I digress.

Or, perhaps, not digress. Truly, work is my enemy, but time is so much easier to blame. Wasting time is what I'm best at, and making excuses is how I survive...

Period, end of story.

Alice in Wonderland

I don't know about any of you but I am extremely excited to watch the new Alice in Wonderland movie by Tim Burton. All of his movies are soo interesting and creative. He is able to create a story that was made specifically for children into something that people of all ages are going to want to watch. I wonder why no one has attempted to create and Alice in Wonderland that was not a cartoon and if they have it probably was not good enough to become popular because I don't remember any being made. Anyways I am going to see it the day it comes out and I heard someone where it is in 3D which if it is would make it even better.

school school school

I have realized that trying hard in highschool is completely different than trying hard in college. I don't really know if I am doing really well in any of my classes and I feel like I really need to step up my game but maybe its too late. The semester is almost over but I guess there isn't ever a too late. I am soooo stressed out about it and don't know what to do. I'm sure lots of other freshman feel the same stress I do but it seems like I am the only one who is freaking out about this. Maybe someone of you freshman can relate a little bit who knows....back to studying haha.

"Permeating Poetry"

Ok so I have been working on a style of poetry that I like to call 'permeating poetry', where the poem itself gives off this spreading-like feeling to the reader, even though the meaning is obvious. I attempt to do this by using couplets and (strategically placed) breaks, which proved to be better later even though I was skeptical at first. It may take a couple of times before you get what I'm talking about, only because you have to kind of find that flow in the reading as you go, which means read it out-loud if you so choose to read it at all...enjoy.

I See You, Day-by Travis Barbour

I see you. I see you

Day. I see you through

The dying night, the moon

Hiding in the horizon, sewn

Under the break of Dawn;

Collecting dew, the leaves have drawn,

Swaying delicately in the breeze

Amongst the colored trees

That paint a portrait proud

And cheer the autumn loud,

For me. Here a new

Day breaks; the fortunate few

Who wake to greet it,

Take on the morning bit

By bit and find me

Standing quietly. A plea

(To which I rather enjoy)

Makes the daylong ploy

Worthwhile. Forever

Will the natural endeavor

Bring tears to my eyes,

And in great merriment, lies

Beneath the sun. Oh

Knowing Mother Earth stow

Your beauty in the minds

Of those who wish to find

Peace again. For when

The time comes in trend

That this joyous day will

End, and all the world ill

Of night will call, in

Unison, for a new day to begin.

"Cheers."

-Chucho

White rabbit, white rabbit...

__________

So, as it turns out, the rabbit was real and actually happened to be somebody's pet. This person came looking for a rabbit headed in my direction about forty-five minutes after we got off the phone. He then took some five odd minutes describing this beast to me, and I realized, shortly after, that it literally couldn't be thought of as more than a rather large white rabbit. I told him I had seen something that perfectly fit his description, but also sadly informed him that I didn't know where it currently was.

When he asked me why I didn't think to do anything about an unusual ten pound creature roaming random yards for clovers, I politely responded, "My stepmother advised me to 'just let the rabbit go' and recommended that I not mention it to my counselor later."

__________

[excerpt from a letter written earlier this week]

Homecoming

Finally, in just three short days, I am going home! I'm getting on a plane (yikes!) and flying to good ol' Newark Liberty Airport and GOING HOME! If you can't tell, I'm very excited. I really miss my family and real home-cooked meals and my own bed... the list goes on and on. It's strange, actually; I never got homesick when I spent my summers at sleep-away camp in Maine, but here I miss my family way more than I ever thought I could. Nevertheless, I've planned a secret trip homeward bound to surprise my brothers and my dad. My mom and I decided on it about a month ago and I've been counting down the days ever since. I wonder how my parents will react to the four new piercings I just got...

Best Cat Video You'll Ever See

My sister showed me this in Geology haha which means I still need to work on paying attention in that class.

My Lack of Technology is Killing Me

It's official- I have been laptop-less for an entire week. Last Tuesday, the main board in my laptop broke during my psychology class. I was freaking out; how was I going to do all my work? I'm a considerable distance from the library, so it would be a major pain in the ass to walk all the way there to just do a few homework assignments and check my email. Basically, I've been bumming laptops from people in my dorm all week. I feel like an awful person- I'm taking their laptops away so I can do my own work and prohibit them from doing things they need to do. I never realized how much I really use my laptop and how different my life is when I don't have immediate access to it all the time. People, don't take your laptops for granted- you never know when you might not have them.

Famiglia

"And so I tells the guy, 'you needs to see more of the famiglia in things'. He looks at me like I gotta lobster comin' outta my mouth, so I slapped 'im on the back oftha head to remind him not to be so thick."

"Whatt'd he say?"

"Cosa si aspetta smusso persino leggere!"

"Dumb guinea bastardo, wouldn't know whetta he had two hands if he couldn't hold'em up in fronta his own damn face!"

"Yeah don' I know it! If he wadn't family I'da had his brain removed tru' his nose..."

____________________________________________________________________

The Italians know what family means:

"There was no obligation more sacred than blood, that it came before country, church, wife, woman, and money" (p74, Puzo's: The Fortunate Pilgrim).

Aside from the fact that this was narrated for a male character, what do you think about family? Can it be looked at in such a blunt way? Whatta you thinkin'?

To: "The Last Leaf Of The Pad"

With great honor do I grace thee fine red, white, and blue; to whom we owe our black and blue liquid freedom; to whom we trust our deepest darkest truths; to whom proves justice to the popularly unknown; with a final note, of which you so humbly deserve. The endless possibilities that lay waste in the mind, become possible upon your indecent tendency to expose and reveal my thoughts, but none come to mind at a moment in time when inspiration should come with ease, and I am now left with the burden that comes to a writer when he has nothing to offer his God. Sadly, guilt ensues, and the only thing I have in return is this letter of apology. I plea thee, "Take mercy on my soul!" If I were capable of such, I would weep with sorrow upon failing to withdraw all previous notions and assumptions that my mind should ever run thin of words, let alone constructing genius from them. What does this reveal about my ego? That I, a writer, would ever think that I held power over a blank page? Assumption will be my maker who I never wish to meet.

But there was hope for Arthur and there is hope for me now,

"Hic iacet Travisius rex quondam, rexque futurus"

...and so I make my redemption known.

Hear me now "Loose Leaf", thy power over me remains no more than evermore, and so I must conduce these truths as sacred, although benign. Fear no longer tickles the ego that guides my pen; Fear no longer seduces the boundaries between faith in self and self not in faith; Fear no longer drives the capitulating notion that fear itself drives all capitulating notions and binds the retard that is mindful ignorance. These truths are equal in affect, though separate in its black and white form. It has come about that I may, or may not, want, or not want, to play, or not play, with the language that exists, or does not exist, before me. Confusing...no...challenging, yes. Read, reread. Read, now read again. Understand that understanding will not come without challenge, and will not be satisfying no matter its form. I cannot promise promises will be kept; I cannot conclude conclusions that don't exist, but I will will my will from naught, and lay vulnerable to the voids that beckon my thoughts. Mindfulness, here, is power. Power over you, "The Last Leaf Of The Pad."

My apologies friend,

The Author

Class-Mon. October 19th-Between 1pm and 2pm...

What's next? What is there now?

I don't know...

Crafty by means of secrecy, the words, as they form themselves in an order completely unknown to me, remain protected from wandering eyes. They glance, they quickly see that it may not be notes that I am taking, but observing the Other. We, Page, can keep this knowledge between us, and laughter may ensue be it that this agreement should be made in the mutual understanding of its significance to my comical observation. Let that be put to rest for a time being...we can move along now.

I cannot claim to comprehend what it is being spilled by female professor; spilled meaning the literal form, where words and facts and guided views pour forthwith from the mouth with such tremendous quantities that I recede to the safe barriers of my mind.

For some reason, a new occupant, my literal left, claims grounds on territory never treaded by this lifer's feet before. Why these feet feel the need to stray further from comfortable distant territory, that (interestingly enough) is now unoccupied upon the desertion of its occupant? Believe you me, I cannot come to any noteworthy conclusion, but still I find trouble in the thought of the intentions of my literal left. Does literal left not know who sits to their literal right? How dare left assume a position next to right! Without permission, the unassuaged respect of the literal right goes without consideration, and rage may portray paper in a state of utter chaos. Please forgive the author, he means well...

And so, without shame, I will go on wondering, all the while literal left shall remain unaware of my intentions to act 'nothing of the sort', to which grievances will be made.

Brinner- My New Favorite Meal(s?)

What is brinner, you may ask? Simply put, it is a combination of dinner and breakfast. You eat it at dinnertime, but you have things like pancakes and french toast instead of hamburgers. It is definitely a twist on a regular dinner.

I was first introduced to the idea of brinner on an episode of Scrubs. Turk, one of the main characters, was begging his wife Carla to make him brinner for their anniversary dinner. I made brinner for my dorm the other day and it was fantastic. I decided to make pancakes, and in case you want to give it a try, here is my dad's "famous" pancake recipe. They are delicious! Enjoy!

1-1/2 cups all-purpose flour
3 tablespoons sugar
1 3/4 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon salt

Combine in another bowl:
1 1/2 cups milk
3 tablespoons butter, melted
2 eggs
(1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract)

Whisk dry ingredients into wet ingredients and pour onto a hot griddle. Flip when the entire side is covered in bubbles.

LEEECCTTURRRES arrgg

So I don't know if any of you have the same trouble I do but I can not pay attention in lectures. My geology lecture I have with my older sister and a friend who I went to high school with. Having people I know and am close with makes it hard to begin with. There are sooo many people in lecture halls that its very easy to sit back and relax daze off maybe even take a nap but noo thats bad because when it comes time for me to take a test I have learned nothing. Even when I am very focused my sister constantly whispers stuff in my ear because really the only time we see each other is in that class. Anyways I need to learn how to pay attention in class but its harrrrd to focus.

SICK AS A CHUCHO!

almost forgot this was due today...

I lovvve mmmyyy sistaaas although we fight alll the time haha but thats the way it goes with girls i guess...always so hard to get along with

Very Cool A Cappella Group!

I found this while browsing YouTube a few weeks ago.

Funny Video

I saw this and thought it was kind of funny. I also love this song ("Hide and Seek- Imogen Heap")

(Sorry about the banner- it doesn't go away)

TV Frustrates Me.

I hate that we don't get certain channels here at UVM. I shouldn't say hate; its more of an annoyance really. I'm just spoiled in the sense that I have Comcast cable at home, which means I get every channel and they are all in high definition. It's strange to not flip on the TV on Wednesdays to watch "America's Next Top Model" like I normally would at home. I know this is so trivial, but I felt like ranting about it for a little bit.

What Is This Weather??

I'm from New Jersey, so it's taking me a little time to adjust to this ever-changing weather. I'm not used to it being this cold until around Thanksgiving at least. Usually by Halloween it's still in the 60s or maybe 70s if we're lucky. I'm in shock every time I walk out the door in the morning because its so cold! I can't even bear to look at the weather report anymore; news of cold weather this early just makes me miss home that much more. I know in a previous post I stated that I never wanted to go home to New Jersey, but I do wish I could bring the glorious New Jersey warmth up to Burlington with me. I can't even imagine what I'm going to do once it starts to get really cold out; as much as I love the snow, I don't know if I can handle six feet of it piling up outside my dorm on a daily basis. This is going to take a lot of getting used to!

Moving Essay Frustration

Just to follow up on my moving essay frustrations...

Making a second project on eating disorders has really helped me find the closure I've been searching for. During my junior year in high school I made a short film on my struggle with EDs and that helped, but during my senior year I had a sort of "relapse" if you will and began bingeing and purging. While I only did that from time to time, I still felt so horrible about letting myself fall back into such bad habits. Making this moving essay has really helped me to definitively say that I am beautiful, no matter what dress size I wear. Thanks to those who posted comments- it really means a lot.

- Katie

We're One Month In!

Having been in college for almost exactly a month now, I'm finding that I never want to go back home to New Jersey. Don't get me wrong, I miss my family and my dogs and friends, but I love having all this freedom. I have control over my own life; no one is dictating to me when I have to finish my homework or when I have to go to class. Back home, I had a curfew and I wasn't allowed to go out during the week. Here, I can go out whenever I want until whenever. I don't even have to come home if I don't want to! The only tricky thing about all this new-found freedom is keeping everything in balance. I don't want to fall behind in my work, but I still want to go out and have a real college experience. I guess it just takes time to adjust to everything.

- Katie

Moving Essay Draft on Anorexia

This is my final draft on my moving essay, I hope you all enjoy it and learn something while watching it. Some of the picture are a little graphic, just so you know ahead of time. Enjoy!

- Katie

What Is This Feeling?

This moving essay is killing me. Not because it's so much work, but because of what my topic is. I decided to do a very personal essay, one about my struggle with an eating disorder. Looking at all these images of emaciated girls and boys is bringing back a lot of really tough memories. For someone who hasn't personally gone through the life-altering terror that is anorexia or bulimia, it is truly horrifying to recant your life from that time. When I was looking at photos in class one day I almost started to cry; not necessarily because the photos were so disturbing, but because I still feel some sick desire to be as skinny as the girls in the pictures. It made me feel sick to my stomach when these terrible thoughts ran through my head. How could I let myself think that emaciated look is beautiful? It is vile and unnatural, and so unbelievably bad for your body. With my friends, I was able to stop hurting myself and get better. Hopefully, my moving essay will help people with ED's see that they can get help if they just tell people they have a problem.

- Katie

MAXimum Disclosure

So the trick here would be for you guys to see if you can figure out what my poem is about...enjoy.

MAXimum Disclosure

Distracted by wandering eyes, so

Deeply set in penetrating judgmental flare

How does one become invisible, in

A sea of an-Other’s perception?

Protected by steel, the heart’s enclosed

And has not stolen the love in which

Dear Maximus might bring down his mighty sword for

Taking back the primary seat of his literal right.

Intensions of the innocent (internally) resonate, and

Spill from the (internal) lips, to

Offer a (silent) plea of empathy, for

Here he is friend and not foe, like the

Great Maximus sees as being so, so, so…Evil.

But open thine eyes, their Maximum width,

To observe the interests of literal left,

Where roosts the real reveler of ambulatorious* action,

Although secretive by way of her own reasoning,

Completely unknown to dear Maximus

And Me…his faultless enemy.

So what is the Great to do to the

Idler that dare take his literal left?

His anger is hidden by a pretence that

All is well…but anger never hides true

For any half-wit, such as myself, can plainly see

That Maximus, with his sword at the ready, wants to kill me.

-Chucho-

*Latin spelling of ambulatory (missing the accents over ‘a.2’ and ‘o.1’)

I actually recorded me reading the poem out loud for those of you who are better with seeing and hearing the poem as it was written...

Hint: Really pay attention to the word choice in this poem (or riddle?) if you want to figure it out...

On Time: To Myself

It is not wasted time if you have the time to waste to begin with. There is a thin dotted line between thinking about doing something and actually doing it, but since you have so much time to waste what keeps you from doing anything and everything? If you think that there’s no reason to do something when you have time to do anything, then how is it that you will most likely talk yourself out of doing everything? Instead of wasting time, you are now just not following through with those things that you could be doing. After coming to terms with your conscience, it dawns on you that the day has been dulled down to this cyclical pattern, that you created, where you don’t do the things you could be doing because everything else that you’re not doing is now considered “wasted time”. Then comes the guilt of turning everything into something, something into nothing, and nothing into anything that you could have done, but didn’t.

With that in the past, the future holds only the same time with different things to do, which you probably won’t do, whether you want to or not, and so begins a new day where possibilities seem endless, but time has now become useless. It does not slow down; it does not tire itself, but rather it continues droning on, cutting a new possibility of opportunity with every passing minute. And you are just standing in the middle of this time wondering what it is trying to prove by never stopping. Impossible is a word that comes to mind, but who are you to tell time that it should “give it a rest”- it being the minutes, and a rest being what time needs the most.

But then you start to question the integrity of time, when time only offers you to do something, when you only offer time to do nothing because you want some answers from time before giving in to its insatiable reputation of making people use it. Silly time, thinking it can trick you, but you are smarter than time…or is it that you become smarter over time, which would imply that you are using time--cheaply hoarding it for your own personal gain--until you don’t need it anymore; until you begin to waste it again. That, ultimately, is time’s worst folly, the fact there is so much time and yet it can be so easily thrown away. Hopefully, someday you will find the spot where wasted time is kept, and the secret will be revealed that you are allowed to use it however you wish. But before you start your search for more time, there’s something you should know…

It’s no secret-time is all you have. Use it wisely.

Through A Fresh-Man's Eye

And with a disdainful mind I realize that I am nothing more than a poor college student…

Busy, yet cautious of overloading what one would perceive to be a simple day-to-day drudge of being, the binary becomes evident between having a heavy workload and thinking I have a heavy workload. Although related in a sense, these two mindsets couldn’t be more opposite, and have a never-ending eroding effect on the brain in a daily life setting-one that couldn’t be more easily described then as a wonderful way to live-independent and intrusive, but by those who I choose to be around, and insightful in the way that a ball is to a puppy, which never succeeds this previous notion of understanding that falls into the category of: ignorant bliss.

Often I have been asked how my time is spent here in college, and for most I give the obvious earful of difficulties and expectations that is somehow bought by the masses of relatives and loved ones, who still, by the end of the conversation, have no idea exactly what it is that I’m doing here. But that may also raise the question whether I really know what I’m doing here, so in the integrating splice of intuitive reasoning and mere bullshit, I make sure that there is some sense of conclusive thought or mention of the fact that I “do college to better myself”, and whatever that may entail becomes the imaginative responsibility of the observer and is no longer my burden. Still, there is nothing that I can say other than what they want to hear, for when the time comes, in the mutual gathering of family, to tell of the stories and experiences gained over the previous semester’s fallacies, my reward becomes the very thing that grants me the ability to continue to exist in the altered realm of time that is college…the tuition check.

I never imagined that such power could come from the end of a ballpoint pen, a power that I won’t understand till later in life. Right now, only a fool would hand over wealth to someone who doesn’t know what wealth is, and my parents are quite aware of this, which is why I don’t see a dime of the money contributing to my education. If given the chance, I would follow the popular advice of the Steve Miller Band and “take the money and run.” Those people who know me would probably say different and although they are warranted in their thinking, I would say-“try me”. Laughter ensues, and by the time the din dies down their watery eyes open only to find an empty couch and a gaping front door, left with the astounded deliberation of whether they will ever hear from me again. The thought has crossed my mind, but I have no means to go anywhere, which brings me back to reality and I soon realize that it wasn’t a dream, it’s not a dream, and it isn’t worth dreaming about. I believe that dreams should be left to things that could actually become realities. Everyone works towards something in life that they may or may not ever attain, but the thought of getting that one thing that would seem to make it all worthwhile is motivation in itself. Each person’s dream is different, and some dreams are more realistic than others. It’s better to think that all dreams could come true, but that is never the case. The important thing to remember is that giving up on your dream is easier than actually getting it, and that my friends, is usually the case.

Most of what I’m expressing is overrated, only because I don’t know yet what the world has to offer me beyond the confining glow of my computer, but I strive through the day knowing that it will eventually end and another day will begin, and that somehow brings ease to my mind which seems to constantly be on the move; much more than I can say for my body. The world seems to be constantly moving, and just when I think I’m the last one standing, there is someone right behind me ready to get up. C’est la vie, as the French say, but I’ve been to France and most of them had their heads up their asses, so the vitality of that statement remains dormant in my “closet of cliché”, as I like to call it anyway. Beyond the tackiness of that previous statement, I would like to reiterate the fact that getting ahead of the game isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. If I’ve learned anything so far here at school, it’s that playing the game as it lays itself out is sometimes the best way to go. Many people, or students I should say, get off by putting themselves in impossible situations that, more often then not, lead to internal breakdown, which is the last thing you want during game play. For those of you who haven’t yet caught on to the metaphor, I’m talking about business vs. pleasure, education vs. socialization. One of the reasons why so many kids don’t make it through the first year is because they don’t get the fact that they are being tested. That’s what it comes down to. The University of blank, whatever State University, or “Hello Dolly” private college wants to know if you have the chichis to make it through freshman year, and they’re not going to sugar coat it like most of high school. Colleges will throw subtle hints that you need to rethink game plans like: academic probation, good-bye such-in-such scholarship, or sorry you are no longer attending our school, but those with half a brain in their head can look at people around them and pick out who isn’t coming back the following semester. It’s not hard to figure out.

Don’t get me wrong, I came pretty close to getting academic probation myself first semester in college, but I was also smart enough to realize that I couldn’t continue to do whatever it was that I was doing, and that I needed to start doing a lot more of whatever it was that I wasn’t doing. It didn’t take long for me to find that I could actually get stuff done and have fun at the same time. After expressing this to a couple of older friends, who I had become close to by second semester of my first year, they shook their heads as they saw me going through some of the same crap that they went through years before. Everyone has to experience it for themselves, there isn’t going to be someone to hold your hand; parents packed you up and dropped you off, and the only thing holding your head together is the thought of hundreds of thousands of other kids across the country going through the exact same thing…welcome to college.

Crazy to think that that was only two years ago…

zen calligraffiti is AweSoMeee

So I was bored and playing around on google images looking at different types of font because I think art through the form of words is so cool and interesting. Anyways I came across this picture of what seemed to be a word but I couldn't quite understand what it meant because the lines were so intricate and detailed that the letters formed into one another. I looked into it more and found out it was called zen calligraffiti. It made sense that it was calligraphy and graffiti combined. I thought that concept of combining some form of writing that has been around for so long with a pop culture sort of type of writing was awweeesssoommme. Anways I wanted to share my find with you all because I L-O-V-EEEE art.

Instead of repeating what I, and my fellow bloggers, would say to be our goals , I will just delve into a quick example of what we might mean by "reaction writing" (if you will)...

---Personal connection lost even through the simple pronunciation of a name----
Let us identify first that the internet has taken our ability to actually talk to someone (for those of you who don't know what I mean are welcome to join me for coffee tomorrow morning at my place so that I might explain it in detail, but that is beside the point, and so we return to the agenda at hand). Now knowing that, it can be taken into account as evidence towards the decline of the spoken language and our ability, as social creatures, to speak to one another, in even the simplest form, i.e. being able to pronounce someone's full name. Sure we can reduce the fact of the matter, that knowing how to pronounce someone's name is (in a more modern translation), "No big deal, man", but can also be seen as the extreme opposite...the lost of personal identity. Our names were given to us at birth (obviously not by choice, it's not like I can control a parent calling their kid "Blanket", as South Park (the greatest ongoing satire to ever be created by the way) was quick to respond to with their Michael Jackson episode a few seasons ago) and should be held sacred, regardless of how ridiculous you and the rest of us think it may be....

What does this say about our heritage; our respect for our own names? When did we start caring so much about what other people think that we are starting to throw away (what may be) one of the only things left that noone should be able to take from us?

Good question... [. . .] (couple extra for those just now catching up)

Oh hey howaya

Welcome.

First of all I wouldn't call us pouncing just yet...we'll have to work on that, but in the meantime we are here to entertain the minds of those who have the will to better themselves by actually listening to what other people have to say. We can't promise the world to you through a blog (although we'll probably try), but if you think, smile, laugh, grunt, cough, sigh, or even pass gas as a cause of our post...then we did our job.

Welcome.

PPP's